1 Corinthians 7:2-5, “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Introduction

When a dating couple is tempted to have premarital sex, it strikes them as an incredible and inconceivable idea that something else may be wiser than their lust. They need to hear that they are turning sex into something totally different from what was intended. Likewise, when the married couple—or one half of the union—deprives the other of sex, they also need to hear that they are turning sex into something totally different from what was intended.

In the above-quoted passage, the Apostle Paul presents sex as a normal necessity and duty of all married people, like common honesty or any other virtue that makes for a happy marriage. Within a marriage, one spouse may maneuver a way out of their nuptial responsibility, claiming it is a special case—as if every marriage wasn’t a special case. One clue that you are looking at this matter backward is if your mind immediately races to the very extreme and extraordinary case in which an able-bodied married couple may refrain from sex. It is not unreasonable to acknowledge that such scenarios exist. But it is unprincipled prudishness to think the extraordinary case is the substance of the subject. It’s an anarchical position to use the church to make a marriage vow and then use the exceptions to Scripture to break the marriage vow. And that’s why we need to pluck up courage and directly face the instruction of 1 Corinthians 7:2-5.

Ten Observations About 1 Corinthians 7:2-5

#1 These verses contain three imperative commands

Vs. 2 “Each man should have [echō]his own wife and each woman her own husband”

Vs. 3 “The husband should give [apodidōmi] to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.”

Vs. 5 “Do not deprive [apostereō] one another”

#2 To deprive someone (vs. 5) comes from the Greek word apostereō, meaning to defraud or steal from someone. In this case, to deprive your spouse of sex is to deprive them of their “conjugal rights” (vs. 3; see also Ex. 21:10).

#3 The frequency and nature of conjugal activity should be done in “agreement,” which means withholding sex cannot be used as a weapon against the spouse to punish them. Neither is it allowable to force sex against the will of your spouse (vs. 5). Every married person is wearily aware that changes take place over time, including each person’s level of vitality. The married couple must address the process of physical changes, and their results, in “agreement.”

#4 Married couples should only go without sex “for a limited time” (vs. 5). Prayer, rather than the noise of conflict and crisis, is the reason for the couple to be apart, and only then “perhaps by agreement for a limited time…. then come together again” (vs. 5).

#5 When one spouse withholds sex from the other, the depriving spouse opens the deprived spouse to Satan’s temptations to adultery (vs. 2, 5). The longer that couples abstain from sex, the higher the chance that one will fall into sexual immorality. When one spouse deprives the other of sex, it is more difficult for the deprived spouse to have self-control (vs. 5).

#6 Neither husband nor wife has full authority over their own body (vs. 4), which means each spouse has a selfless disposition on the matters of conjugal relations. Sex is not in the sole control of the husband or the wife. Sexual relations should be mutually agreeable in such a way that giving is prioritized over getting.

#7 God designed sex within marriage to be the most efficacious earthly help against sexual temptation. When marriage is working properly it protects against the temptations to sexual immorality (vv. 2-5). Sexual relations are a privilege and blessing of marriage (Prov. 5:18-19; Song 4:9-19). When the wife and husband know that one purpose of marriage is to protect against the temptation to sexual immorality, then each will be sexually attentive to the other.

#8 For the married couple, the Bible restricts sexual abstinence. Marriage brings ongoing obligations to have sex with your spouse (vs. 2-5). Sex is indispensable in the marriage covenant. It is not optional. Each spouse in a marriage has rights. Paul calls on each to pay what is due (tēn opheilēn) (vs. 3). Each owes rights to the other in such a way that the exercise of your rights can’t come at the expense of your spouse’s rights.

#9 Withholding sex from your spouse without due cause (examples of due cause are physical abuse, impairments, or illnesses) is a sin that violates the imperative commands of God (vs. 2, 3, 5).

#10 Adultery is always a sin (“sexual immorality”) just as lack of sexual self-control is always a sin (vs. 2, 5). Neither the husband nor wife is permitted to engage in sexual activity with a person other than their spouse (vs. 2).