When you leave for college people might say something like, “Enjoy Yourself!” What they should say is that you should enjoy the story God has written for you. Enjoy the dances, the meals, and the friends. Enjoy the music, the paintings, and the sunsets. Enjoy the baby’s laugh, the mountain hike, and the pain of learning. Enjoy sacrifice, waking up early, and listening to old couples argue. But never enjoy yourself, for that “sort of self-devouring fastidiousness,”—as Chesterton once put it—is endless thirst and despair.¹

To gather enjoyment outside yourself is to receive, which is to let go of the “will to power;” and let go of having “control” over everything. People enjoy laughing not because they have power over it but because it has power over them. You must become like Chesterton’s angels which fly because they take themselves lightly.²

The entertainers will tell you that happiness is self-indulgence. It doesn’t take more than a tick or two to grasp, with the clarity of a man stepping on a rake, that this is pure, unfiltered poppycock. You will, as if by instinct (Eccl. 3:11), seek something objectively true; something that provides completion, fullness of being, and creatureliness. Look to Jesus Christ, whose phenomenal mystery was that his divine wisdom made him the most fully human of all who laughed and wept. This should remind you that you can’t be utterly human if joy and pain are compartmentalized in different regions.

When a person graduates from high school they are told to go “find themselves;” to “learn about yourself;” to “know thyself.” The problem is clay can’t know itself, only the Potter knows the clay; only Shakespeare knows Hamlet; only God can know you. There is no secret to finding your “identity”—one of the most overworked words in Christianese—within yourself. Only God can find you and know you. People who ignore this simple metaphysics are the ones who take themselves much too seriously. Their egos are inflated like a pufferfish, towering like a skyscraper balanced on a stack of teetering dominoes, blown up like a balloon. Humility requires a hungry shark to make quick work of the pufferfish, a fierce tornado to bring down the skyscraper, and a very sharp needle to pop the balloon. The happiest people have learned self-forgetfulness, which means, being able to laugh at yourself. Proud people are always pontificating about themselves. Everything is about them, their emotions, their ideas. Since they are always talking about themselves, and since they have no curiosity about others, they’re the most unhappy people in the world.

The first years after high school are filled with excitement, apprehension, worry, comparison, and expectation. You are trying to find your way in God’s world and then make your peace with it. Many significant events will occur in the next few years that shape the rest of your life. One day soon you will be established in your life, your family, your friends, your home. But now, that seems so far off. It’s hard to imagine that one day you won’t have a youthful body and energy. It’s hard for the young to appreciate an ordinary life with daily duties and deeds. This is because such a life requires unrecognized labor, humble service, and repetitive tasks. Young people tend to avoid such things. They only fulfill such duties when an adult is watching. But menial tasks are just as worthy as flashy ones.

When you begin to do something simply because it is right and not because someone is watching, you will be more like Christ. Duty is not a prison, but an anchor and a salve. Conventions and traditions don’t stifle: they direct and steady. The secret to life is not just to laugh a lot, but to laugh and scoff at the right things. Most of the immaturity of teenagers can be summed up in this: They laugh and scoff at the wrong things.

It’s hard to acknowledge that there is a future beyond youth, but acknowledge you must. You will find a pattern of life that shapes your days until the end. The habits you form now will beget the character you will have then. Habits are tied to character, which is why healthy habits are hard to form. You don’t fully know your character yet because you haven’t experienced many situations apart from your parents. It's helpful to know all the right answers. But until you live them out you won’t know if you believe them.

You must learn to follow your gifts to their end, with humility and enjoyment. God has gifted you in certain ways. Gifts mean grace and God’s grace always demands more, not less. That’s because God’s grace enables holy effort rather than giving you an excuse to do just enough to “get by.” It’s hard to break free from the emotions that swirl around the current moment. But that’s okay because clarity about life’s gifts, purposes, and future often arrives uninvited. Explore, use, and accommodate yourself to the gifts God has given.

Others will judge you, especially if you live with divine purpose. They will say things behind your back and this will bother you in your younger years. But one day, in God’s kindness, you will leave behind the need for peer approval. You will look only to God for justification. Being free from concern over a dishonest person's approval lets you see people as they are—imperfect yet capable of growth. Immature people quickly seize upon marginal differences. This leads to mocking and belittling others. When the selflessness of Christ seizes you, you will still notice the differences of others. But rather than mocking, you will become curious about this fellow image bearer.

You will have many opportunities in the next few years. Opportunities mean decisions. How will you know what’s worth doing? How should things be done? Should you prioritize career or family? School or work? Travel or savings? To choose one thing is to say no to another. Economists call this opportunity cost. Don’t just weigh the things you say yes to but also weigh the things you say no to. And in all this weighing, don’t forget that God’s purpose for your life is that you obey God’s Word from the inside out (1 Thess. 4:3; 1 John 5:1-5).

Other Articles

https://trinityreformedkirk.com/collection/an-open-letter-to-the-trc-teenagers

https://trinityreformedkirk.com/collection/to-the-trc-high-school-graduates-of-2024

https://trinityreformedkirk.com/collection/a-word-for-the-high-school-graduates-of-trc

Jason Cherry is an elder at Trinity Reformed Church in Huntsville, Alabama, as well as a teacher and lecturer of literature, history, and economics at Providence Classical School in Huntsville. He graduated from Reformed Theological Seminary with an MA in Religion and is the author of the books The Culture of Conversionism and the History of the Altar Call and The Making of Evangelical Spirituality.

Footnotes

¹ G.K. Chesterton, In Defense of Sanity (Ignatius, 2011), 347.

² The full quote is, “Angels can fly because they can take themselves lightly. That they take themselves lightly is the first fact about them. That they take themselves seriously is the second.” Chesterton, G.K. Orthodoxy. New York: John Lane Company, 1908.